{"id":417,"date":"2014-05-29T05:38:48","date_gmt":"2014-05-29T05:38:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.joshuastairhime.com\/?p=417"},"modified":"2014-05-29T18:17:59","modified_gmt":"2014-05-29T18:17:59","slug":"ugly-desires","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.joshuastairhime.com\/index.php\/ugly-desires\/","title":{"rendered":"Ugly Desires"},"content":{"rendered":"

I want to be influential.<\/p>\n

I want to write, draw, create, film, photograph, construct and by all of those things be influential. \u00a0I want to make my mark on the world, to have a certain level of impact on those around me. \u00a0I have started trying to write more, in fact, I have begun to make more time in my life to do all of those things that I have listed above. \u00a0Essentially, I want to be known. \u00a0I want to be famous.<\/p>\n

It sounds ugly coming out of my mouth, which is why it is difficult for me to accept that at the foundation of many of the things I do, is a desire to elevate myself above those around me. \u00a0I have a desire to be\u00a0perceived\u00a0<\/em>as better than those around me, even if in fact, I am not.<\/p>\n

The desire is ugly, and there is no way to just gloss over it. \u00a0 At the same time however, even though I knew this ugliness resided in my heart, I thought I was keeping it under control. \u00a0I thought that I was not letting it affect my actions. \u00a0I thought that I would rise above that desire and be an even better person because of my ability to rise above it. \u00a0You may start to see where this thought process was leading me.<\/p>\n

So when I found myself in Williamsport Indiana for a church picnic and concert on Monday, I swaggered in with all of my self confidence and bravado barely in check. \u00a0I was there to “change the world” by filming another part of this documentary I am working on. \u00a0You know, one of those things that is going to make me famous! \u00a0I was there specifically to film theSurrendering, who are an amazing husband and wife duo that sold everything to move into a 17″ camper and tour the country sharing their music anywhere they are invited with no financial expectations. \u00a0If you haven’t checked them out, you should! \u00a0Williamsport is where Joe and Rebecca set off from last September, and I wanted to capture a bit of what it was like for them to be back home after being gone for so long.<\/p>\n

\"theSurrendering<\/a>

theSurrendering passionately playing<\/p><\/div>\n

If I am entirely honest with myself (and you) another reason I was filming Joe and Rebecca at this particular event is that they had somehow managed to get the lead singer of one of my all-time favorite bands to play an acoustic set after them. \u00a0 Matt Baird is the lead singer of Spoken, and if you knew me in high school, you might remember the Spoken hoodie I wore almost everyday. \u00a0So when I found out he would be there too, I just knew that this event was one I didn’t want to miss.<\/p>\n

I pulled in at about 2:30 to a crowd that looked like about 100 people. \u00a0Joe and Rebecca went on at 3(ish) and Matt was scheduled to play at about 4. \u00a0I ran around dutifully collecting footage that I hope will be useful for the documentary, and kept a watchful eye on the stage to make sure I didn’t miss Matt. \u00a0Due to a slight confusion regarding time zones, Matt was a\u00a0wee<\/em> bit late, and by the time he arrived, the crowd had dwindled a little more.<\/p>\n

\"Matt-2\"<\/a>

Matt gets a little passionate too!<\/p><\/div>\n

I don’t really know what I expected from Matt, but I do know that if I had pulled in an hour late for a show, I would be really frustrated with myself, and everyone, and everything around me. \u00a0My attitude would have been particularly sour once I saw the size of the crowd. \u00a0I think my inner dialogue if I were in Matt’s place would be something to the effect of “don’t these people know who I am? \u00a0I’m the lead singer of a freakin’ awesome band!”<\/p>\n

So when towards the end of\u00a0his set Matt took a few minutes to share a part of his story, I was a little surprised by the way he chose to finish. \u00a0He said to this crowd of about 70 people of all shapes and sizes, by no means the largest or “most important” crowd he has ever been in front of \u00a0“It is an honor to be here, thank you for letting me be here.” \u00a0He didn’t say it ironically, or sarcastically, but sincerely and intentionally. \u00a0 He took this crowd of people he would probably never meet again, and treated them as family, as beloved friends. \u00a0I have never felt so included at a concert as I did in that moment.<\/p>\n

Which leaves me to confront my ugliness anew.<\/p>\n

I never even thought about thanking any of the people around me for letting me crash their party. \u00a0I just assumed that what I was doing was inherently important and that\u00a0those around me would\u00a0see that. \u00a0Regardless of intent, I missed an opportunity to connect with my brothers and sisters in Christ that Matt took advantage of.<\/p>\n

I hope that I will learn from Matt’s humility and that it will change the way I treat those around me. \u00a0That I will quickly forget my self assigned importance, and learn to truly treat others like I want to be treated.<\/p>\n

Matthew 23:12 “<\/span>Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” ESV<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Enough about me…go check out these awesome (and humble) people!<\/p>\n

Matt Baird “Worship You”<\/a><\/p>\n

theSurrendering “Oh Be Still”<\/a><\/p>\n

Comments and discussion welcomed! \u00a0Due to the massive amount of spam comments I receive (at least 35 a day) your comment won’t show up right away, but I promise I will approve it as soon as I can. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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