Late Saturday night, something happened that I have been working towards off and on for quite a while. It happened quietly, with very little fanfare, and it could have easily escaped even my notice. In the grand scheme of things it isn’t even that important, but to me it has been an interesting reminder of what lies ahead for me.

I moved to Fort Wayne a little more than a month ago, and after a summer of hotel rooms and long drives back and forth to and from Hicksville, it has been a tremendous relief to have a 5 minute morning commute instead of the hour I had been spending. So far I really love being on my own, with no one to worry about but myself. I have been eating less fast food, and even have found time to read in the evenings again.

I don’t miss the early morning drives, but the sunrises were pretty special.

One of the reasons I thought I would love it so much is because I would finally have some free time to spend on projects that have been sitting on the back burner. At any given time I have at least 15 different things I want to do. There are fun projects like learning to play the piano, finishing the cello I am repairing, learning to play the cello, filming an artsy project, filming some funny videos with some friends, and reading several book series.

There are also more serious projects I want to work on, like the resurrection of my political website, or preparing for the second year of 25 days of peace. I have a series of fictional blogs I want to write, and hours upon hours of video to edit for NGO’S in Haiti and Nicaragua. I have even started a movie script that needs to be finished.

I have so many side projects and aspirations that I keep lists of my favorite ideas in my phone. Obstensibly so I can remember to work on them when I have time. The notes app I use has ideas scattered all over it, ranging from 3 word phrases to fully developed outlines. Quite possible the most important note in the app is my list of life goals.

I don’t remember if I have ever let anyone see the whole list, but I am highly confident that I have set the bar unbelievably high. A few of the items I am willing to mention include finishing a 100 mile race, and taking a photograph that changes the world. There are other goals on the list that are even more outlandish, ones that seem even less possible than the ones I mentioned above. Some will take years of slow but steady progress, while others will take 3-4 months of sustained and uninterrupted effort.

The problem is that since I have moved to Fort Wayne, I find myself comfortable. As I think about my list of goals I shake my head with incredulity that any one of them could be accomplished in my lifetime, that any of my goals are realistic. As I sit in my recliner, eating an entire frozen pizza by myself while reading some excellent science fiction, I find that my interest in changing the world wanes. The sense of freedom and independence is overwhelmingly enjoyable. I find that I am happy being simple and comfortable. My affairs are my own, and all I ask is to be left to them in peace. I think I am beginning to understand why people are able to just ignore the problems of the world. It is because we have found ourselves to be comfortable, and it is quite pleasant. If it isn’t happening to me right here and right now, it is so easy to ignore.

Late on Saturday night, something remarkable happened. One of my life goals was completed! In fact, it was the very first goal on my list.

For some reason I thought that having a video online with 1 million views was important. That happened Saturday night. For the first time ever, I get to mark an item off of my list! In fact, it happened with very little effort on my part. I simply edited the video, and waited. Once it was posted the hard work was already finished.

As I reflect on who I was when I started my list, I question why I chose the things I did. Some of the goals are still something I am passionate about, while others have faded in importance. As I consider the work that lies ahead, I find I am afraid to start it, worried that the effort required may leave me empty in the end, or that I may find the completion of a certain goal is meaningless, as the completion of this goal certainly was. I worry that I will find myself comfortable, and unwilling to do the hard work that is going to be required of me to reach all of my “life goals”.

So tonight as I celebrate the removal of one impossible goal from my collection of impossible goals, I have decided to replace it with another, even more impossible to accomplish. I do so because I do not want to be comfortable. I’ve decided that I want to die with many items marked off of my life goal list as done, but I don’t want to die with an empty list. I’ll use every bit of living I’ve been given.

My new goal?

I wish to be known as a peacemaker.

A goal I will pursue at the cost of comfort.

I begin the pursuit now.

Check out the video that has now crossed 1.6 million views here.