This has been a crazy year in my life, and there have been a lot of changes.  I’ve chosen many of the changes, but it is pretty easy to choose something when you don’t totally understand all of the implications of your choice.  Many of these choices have impacted the peacefulness of my life significantly.

The biggest choice I’ve made was proposing to my girlfriend.  I am quite happy to say that she said yes, and we are working towards a May wedding, but it has certainly been an opportunity to stretch my peace keeping abilities.  Don’t misunderstand, we get along quite well, but as big decisions need to be made, we find that we are not always on the same page.

One of our first almost conflicts was when we discovered that while I would happily go to Mars as part of a colonization mission if I was given the chance, she would not!  (I even told her we could be the parents of the first martian, she was unresponsive.  I’m still confused why she would want to pass up this opportunity.)  I then offered what I thought was a wise compromise.  I offered to go without her, but told her I would be back in 5 or 6 years.  I was just as shocked to discover that this also wasn’t an acceptable course of action.  While it wasn’t the most serious discussion we have had in our preparations to get married, it was an eye opener for both of us.  We were different people, with different desires.

I’m sure you married folks could teach me a lot about peace.

One of the things that Sam and I enjoy doing on occasion is canoeing.  It can be a calm and peaceful experience to share as you float down the river, enjoying the surrounding scenery.  Or, it can be an exercise in total frustration as two very different people are put in the same boat, and both try to pursue their own plans.  Through our canoeing, I’ve discovered that Sam is a stop and smell the roses kind of girl as we stopped to look at a colony of snails that was floating in the narrow channel we were traveling down.   I’m more of an A to B person, the destination is as much the goal as the journey itself.  I like to cover as much ground as I can so I don’t miss anything!

It was also during our canoe trips that I discovered that Sam doesn’t automatically know what I am thinking.  I’ll dig my paddle deeply into the water to pull us over to the side or turn us around, and discover that she has dug her paddle in deeply to counteract my action.  It took me verbalizing my desire to for her to understand it and help me steer the canoe the direction I was hoping to go.  I’m sure she had many similar moments as I would not understand her direction, and just be paddling along blissfully unaware of her desires.  I’ve had to learn to communicate more than I ever have before.  I’m terrible at communicating, but I’m working on growing in that area.

So, canoeing can be a bit frustrating, but when you’re communicating well, and you are both pursuing the same goals, the end result is incredible.   Sam and I even conquered some unexpected rapids at the end of our last trip, and knowing that even though we were both afraid, and neither of us totally in control of the canoe by ourselves, we were able to overcome the fast moving water together, has helped me grow in my relationship with her.

Peace in your relationships requires communication.

Peace in your relationships also requires sacrifice.  I made the choice on both trips to sit in the front.  In the front of the canoe, it is much harder to steer, and you are putting yourself in the hands of the person in the back steering.  It was hard for me to make my male dominance submit to being out of control of my own destiny, but as I’ve done it, I’ve learned to trust Sam more than I would have otherwise.  I can find peace in knowing that Sam and I can trust each other to take care of one another.

Now, in just 50-70 years (The Lord willing of course) I’ll be able to look back and tell you so much more about how being married is the ultimate exercise in seeking peace.  Will you pray for both of us?  I’m sure we will need it.

Be sure to check out the other people on the journey with me at 254peace.org, or on our Facebook page.  There are some awesome people participating this year, and they all have something important to say.