If this post was a court of law, I would defend the front half of this story as pertaining to the witnesses state of mind.  It may not seem like we are getting anywhere interesting, but I hope you’ll see the value of the front half, by the time you finish the back half.  

It has been 5 years since I stepped in to the world of photography and videography.  I had owned a few point and shoot cameras before, but I had never done anything more than play around with taking pictures and the little video I could shoot with the little cameras.  At some point in 2009 I felt like I was supposed to go on a trip with my church to Nicaragua, and I offered to “document” it so we could tell a good story when we got back to the United States.  I had never done anything like it before, but spent a lot of time on the internet reading about techniques and equipment.

As the trip got closer to departing, I purchased my first real camera, a Canon T2i.  It was the newest and coolest entry level DSLR that I could get financing on.  I sold my small collection of point and shoots and some of my other gear to help pay for it.  I bought an extra lens and some external audio gear and some random accessories that I thought would make me a better filmmaker.  I also spent a bunch of time building my own shoulder mount rig from scrap aluminum and electrical conduit.  The shoulder rig was a monstrosity, but it worked, and I was able to bring back a little bit of our story from Nicaragua to share.

After getting back from Nicaragua, I had the opportunity to go to Haiti, and then back to Nicaragua 2 years later.  By the time I made it back to Nicaragua, I had managed to pick up another T2i to help film interviews properly.  Unfortunately a poor choice in Haiti the following year resulted in the loss of that camera, and the rented lens that had been attached.  After replacing both the camera and the rented lens, I was back on my filmmaking feet, ready to conquer the world!

It was perhaps a year ago that my original camera finally stopped turning on.  It had given me a lot of life, and I had certainly gotten every penny of value from it I could.  I wasn’t in a financial position to replace the now dead camera, and started borrowing cameras from church and friends whenever I could.  As time passed, I got more and more requests to photograph or film events that I just couldn’t justify doing with the level of equipment I had available.  I felt that the people who were paying me deserved the best image I could get them and didn’t feel comfortable using my now 4 generations old camera.  Perhaps I was just making excuses, but I felt limited by the tools I had available.  I dreamed of moving up a step or two in the gear world, so I could feel justified charging people a fair price for my work.

In the process of breaking and wearing out 2 cameras, I had put myself in a financial situation that meant I couldn’t honestly afford to upgrade anytime soon, while paying jobs were lined up that I felt obligated to refuse.  I was able to shoot a few weddings by renting gear, but by the time the rental was paid for, I rarely came out ahead.  I struggled to pay down my gear debt so I could make the move to a new camera in time to capitalize on work that seemed to be coming my way, but work got really slow and health issues in the family meant that I couldn’t even work the hours that were available.  I had resigned myself to a long wait while I did my best to just stay ahead of the bills.  I couldn’t even buy my family Christmas presents on time this year.  (I swear they are coming…eventually!)

This is when something unexpected happened.

On Christmas day, I had asked for donations to be made to a charity fund for clean water projects.  I didn’t really need anything that I thought anyone could afford.  So as I opened the presents under the tree that had my name on them, I didn’t want to expect much.  As I picked up one of the last boxes, I considered its size and weight and a thought passed through my head that I wanted to ignore.  No sense getting my hopes up after all.  So when I took the wrapping paper off of a shiny new professional camera I was still fighting back hope.  I didn’t want to discover that someone had simply found a cool box to wrap something in, but it eventually became clear that I was looking at an actual professional camera.

It has been 3 days since I unwrapped it, and I still am not really sure that I believe it.  I even helped a high school senior working on a video project, and used the camera all day but it still doesn’t seem real.  I suspect my initial reaction was underwhelming for my family, who sacrificed to make this possible, but I just wasn’t convinced that it was true.   The camera has been difficult to accept, knowing that I had not done anything to deserve such an incredible gift.  I guess part of me realizes that sometimes people get gifts like this, but I had never expected to be a person who did.  My family has always given me great things and plenty of support, but this just seemed so out of reach as to be impossible.

As I look back, I have always been well supported and have been given incredibly selfless gifts by others.  People have bought me running shoes when I couldn’t afford them, helped pay for my trips to Nicaragua, Germany, and Haiti, I have been given a guitar and several large financial gifts for no apparent reason.  Each gift undeserved and unexpected.

Don’t get distracted by the monetary value of the gifts I mentioned though, the true value of this gift (and others) isn’t that it was worth more than other gifts I had received, but that the gift came at precisely the right time.  I desperately needed new shoes, a group of people made that happen.  I needed funding for a mission trip, people made that happen.  I’ve been using the guitar I could have never purchased to help lead worship from time to time.  The gifts have intrinsic value because of their cost, but the more important component of the true value is the meeting of a need.  If we only consider the monetary value of a gift, we make it something that is obtainable, something we could have done ourselves if we had been given enough time.  By considering the fulfillment of a need as a component of the value of a gift, we begin to grasp the full import of the sacrifice of the gift giver.

When Christ arrived on earth, the sacrifice was great.  The cost was high, but if we only look at the cost, we only see half of the value.  When Christ arrived on earth, he came to meet a very specific need.  When we consider that not only did Christ simply sacrifice, but also purchase for us the desperately needed redemption of our sins, our understanding of the value of the gift increases.  A deity coming and dying for us is great and all, but even better is an incarnate God paying sin its wages so that we would be free of debt.   A gifts value increases in relation to its need.

Our perceived value of a gift is also linked to our perceived need for the same.  A person who does not acknowledge their bad breath has little need for the Altoids they may find in their stocking.  However, to someone who is keenly aware of their bad breath, a tin of Altoids can be equated to manna from heaven!   When Christ came to earth, it was at precisely the right time, and those who were most aware of their sin were most likely to treat his arrival as the gift it truly was.

I have been reminded that I can never deserve all that I have been given, and I hope that each of you will more truly understand the full value of Emmanuel, God with Us.  I was given a gift in the perfect time this year, to remind me of other more valuable gifts that have been given to me by my heavenly Father.

I love them both.

There is still time to donate! A huge thank you to all of the donors who have contributed so far!